SO let me be clear up front.
This is probablyyyyy not the post you think it’s gonna be.
I am not religious. AT ALL
Don’t really believe in spiritual traditions just for the sake that they’ve been done that way for years.
And certainly not what you would call a “Christian” even though I think Jesus Christ’s teachings are LAW. *queue Yo Gotti* But HIS teachings not the stuff “ya’ll” try and shove down our throats. I don’t even believe in the devil but that’s another post.
There are many things we will certainly disagree on with God… Jehovah… Allah…whatever you’d like to call this AMAZINGNESS that we know IS but I do believe most know we come from a SOURCE. Higher being. Love. Expansion. GREATNESS.
And I am amazed by it.
I have a slightly different relationship with Source(that’s what I call him)… like it’s my homie… I talk to Source like I do my friends. I even curse! *gasp*
But I have something to confess.
and it is very important that I share this.
I’ve been extremely DISRESPECTFUL.
DIS. RE. SPECT. FUL.
And kinda lying to you guys out there in social media land as well. *shrugs*
I was calling it faking it ’till I made it?
And there are so many of us that do it. Everyday.
But let me tell you why….. ready?
I’ve asked God over and over. Probably since I was 12 years old. “What is my purpose”, “What am I supposed to be doing”, “Why am I here”. Usually in written form because I’ve been keeping a journal since I was 6. At 16 I would cry real tears, wanting to know the answers and deeply troubled by life in general and why the hell we were here for this earth bullshit.
I just didn’t get it.
Mind you I was writing all of this.
Once I got to college I remember spending the night BEFORE awake starting and finishing 20+ page papers due the next day. In turn making my friends jealous when I’d get an A on them.
I also remember waking up with one of my journals thrown to my 24 year old head.
It was my boyfriend. He had taken it upon himself to read one of my journal passages that vividly described how much I loved one of my male best friends. And it wasn’t even in a romantic way… either way he was pissed. I remember him repeating in a mimic of my voice “I love him in a way where he feels like he’s a part of me that I can never cut off almost like my thumb… cause everybody needs their thumb right?!?” Ha!!!! I think that was the beginning of the end for us. Years later he told me it sounded like I had written a story for a book to come.
Fast forward to my late 20s…. my drinking phase (which I may not be completely out of lol)!
I have literally gone to bars, clubs, strip clubs, been drunk as a skunk but never leave without writing something in my notes on my iPhone. I would write short poems, hate letters to whatever man made me mad that week, dramatic statements to my future self and stories of who I will become(I’ll share some one day, it gets REALLY juicy).
Oh and I don’t know how I tried so hard to forget the NaeemahJade blog I had…. writing about shit I had no interest in. People were so enthused. Me? Bleh.
In all of this I still had no clue what I was supposed to do. Or that’s what I told myself. I’ve been in banking, social work, teaching, security, owned a daycare…. searching, yearning for purpose.
So it seems when it became laid out for me, I’d thank God and jump right in… right?
Yea. That’s NOT how it happened.
June 26, 2016 I was on a school trip with my son in Charlotte. Sunday we went to a very um…. lively church. You know standing on chairs, running laps, rolling on the floor otherwise known as catching the Holy Ghost. After service was over one of the members came up to me and said “you’re an author, I see your face on the back on books, millions of books, why aren’t you writing”. He had no knowledge that I wrote at all or that I ever even thought about writing. I asked him what made him say that. He said what I knew all along.
I’m clearly hard headed. And like I said….. disrespectful. Because I at this point I should be writing. Sharing. Using my gift. I know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. Fear just continued to creep its ugly ass into my mind. Who will read? What if I’m not good enough? I’m not a real writer.
So. I ignored it. *eye roll*
I’m mad at myself just thinking about it.
So I left the church and headed to the bookstore while Jayden headed to the pool. The bookstore has been one of my fave places since I was a kid. I could spend hours in there reading all kinds of books. But this time I was looking for a bday gift for one of my besties. I immediately saw something she would love, a chatpack. The cards were made to provide conversation ideas when company comes over. So I break open the box. And of course. The first question I see is
“If you were to write a book what would be the topic.?”
Here is a part of my personal journal post I wrote when it happened.
I was dumbfounded. So you really gonna keep throwing this in my face? Why do you think I can write? Who told you this Universe? Whooooo?
So. Again what did I do? I ignored it. Maybe I thought about it for a day. Or 2. I told a couple friends how weird it was. But again. More disrespect. I sat it on the shelf. Acted like it wasn’t presented to me. Left it there. My gift. From God.
I know you probably think this is it. But no. It wasn’t. Not more than 24 hours after the trip. I open my email. An email list I’m on (Marie Forleo’s to be exact, she’s amazing) decided to send me a FREE ebook, on writing a book called… “Nobody wants to read your sh!t.” Lol! This really happened look.
And what the hell did I have the nerve to do?
I read 4 chapters and haven’t looked at that ebook again. Yea. Dumb as hell!
So. A year passes.
A whole year.
In that year. I talked to a couple of psychics. All which say the same thing. I’m creative. I need to write.
I literallly don’t know what I’m looking to happen at this point when I look back. God to show up at my door and hand me a notebook and a pencil? Tuh.
So. 2017. This is the year I knew everything would change. I can still feel it. New Years Eve said so….
2017. Special. So I’ve traveled more than I ever traveled. Started reading again. Followed Abraham Hicks, who I thank God for. And started meditating.
I repeat this because it’s one of the important parts of this story.
One of the psychics told me you pray to ask and meditate to listen for the answers.
So I prayed. What you want me to do God? I can’t really remember what I said exactly but it probably went like “man what am I supposed to be doing, I quit this daycare cause I know that wasn’t it. Quit banking. Quit teaching. Quit working for anybody else. Started a travel club. What else am I supposed to do?”
I then sat down next to my window. I closed my eyes. Put on some guided meditation from YouTube and started to meditate. I’ll later go into the some of crazy shit that has been happening to me from meditating but let me tell you what happened this time.
I saw a bright light. Then I heard write. Write now. Start writing now Naeemah. Then I felt a deep peace. A knowing. Hard to explain. And you know what I did?
I tried to think my way out of it. Negate what I was feeling. All the dope ass vibes that were being sent to me…. I tried to mentally run.
And then I heard clearly SHUTUP NAEEMAH. So I opened my eyes and I started writing. I wrote the About section of ShutUpNaeemah.com.
This is like a month or so ago. So you guys are here on my live right now real journey.
I remember feeling guilty about how people thought my life was so perfect but it wasn’t. I discovered it was because I wasn’t living my truth. I was ignoring and disrespecting the things that God wants me to do. And I would never be fulfilled living that way.
So I posted my first post. And I still can’t believe the response. But it was overwhelming. Within the first 23 hours I had over a 1000 views. Then a couple days later. This.
I cried a little. So thankful.
But God been told me.
I took the gift that was given to me and put it in the closet. I would take it out for a second and put it in a pot but then set it on the back burner.
I have no clue where exactly this is blog going. But to follow the gifts I KNOW have been given to me is a feeling unlike any other.
Ok. Let’s get into these ‘ole life lessons that come with every. single. life situation. And hell, maybe with most of my blog posts. Because I want you to learn along with me. Ok ready?
You have everything you need to be great. God gave it to you. Once you start believing this life gets better. There is only one of you that has what you have. The world needs what you have. Stop preventing your miracles that have been given to you from touching the world. So many people needed to hear my message. Acknowledgment that they weren’t alone and there is life beyond the stopping point they thought was there.
I asked in meditation what the hell was the lesson in this? And I was told “I am here”. We try so hard to separate ourselves from God/Source. When we feel as we aren’t doing life right, we hide from the connection that makes us our greatest. And all the time we are running further from our grace, our magic, our amazing life. Stop. Listen. Life is here for you.
RELAX! Life happens much easier when we let it flow. I always liken myself to water. Have you ever seen water struggle to flow? No. It just goes around whatever it needs to move. As hard as it sounds, because it’s against everything we’ve ever been taught… just chill. Be still and LISTEN… we’ll talk about meditating later.
Let God do his thing!
Fear is dumb as fuck. Our brains are so antiquated and still use anything we fear like a dinosaur is running after us. We aren’t gonna die. We will be fine. The opinions of others not instantly agreeing with what we’ve decided to do won’t kill us either. Live for you.
My current dreams don’t even touch the edge of the dream that is made for me. We limit ourselves because of fear, when the Being that made the moon, sun and the stars…. and everything you see around us can take life on another level of amazingness.
Jump. So you can fly.
Stop the disrespect.
Get your gift off the shelf.
Use it. Listen.
In the words of Gabrielle Bernstein….
“Take the tools I’m giving you today and use them…. when the pressure is on you, START and the pressure will be off you”
What has God/Source given you? Are you using your gift? What will it take to get it off the shelf?
Don’t forget to share, comment and like!